20 Responses to Telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask the… Continue

Growing Old...
I'm so depressed...I went to the Dr.today and he refused to
write me a prescription for Viagra. Said it would be like putting
a new flagpole on a condemned building.
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Posted By Shwana to Friend Ship at 9/20/2009 07:11:00 PM

Proverbs...
Many complain of their looks, but none of their brains.

Life's Quips...
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have
never forgotten this.

One-Liners...
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.-Groucho Marx

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Posted By Shwana to Friend Ship at 9/20/2009 07:09:00 PM

Speeding?

A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an
hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following
her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.

When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles
following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she
looked around, there were three cops following her.

Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She
screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies’ room. Ten
minutes later, she innocently walked out.

The thr… Continue

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more
often. (Hehe)


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Posted By Shwana to MyShwana at 9/20/2009 06:52:00 PM

Quotes...
I myself have never been able to find out precisely what
feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist
whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a
doormat. - Rebecca West, 1913


Love...
"Darling," she whispered after they had finished making love,
"Will you still make love like that to me after we're married
?"He considered this for a moment, and then replied, "I think
so. I've always been especially fond of married women." (MyShwana's LHAO)


Friends stab you… Continue

Life's Quips...
Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its
students.

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Posted By Shwana to Friend Ship at 9/18/2009 09:46:00 AM

The lumberjack

A LARGE, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack.

The very next day, a skinny little guy showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to scram.

"Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack.
"Take your axe and go cut it down!"

The skinny… Continue

Bus load of politicians

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL de… Continue

Funeral arrangements

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.

"Sidney thought of everything," she told them. "Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. 'Tillie,' he told me, 'I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then, I can rest in peace'."

"What was in the envelo… Continue